Stop allowing yourself to settle
On almost a daily basis, I hear someone complaining about their current situation. The situations are a number of things, their job, their weight, their relationships, their diet, their life in general.
Humans like to think they’re stuck. Most people don’t even realize it, but when you start saying things like, “but it pays the bills!” or “I just can’t do it,” “I just don’t have time to [blank],” then you’re automatically setting your standard at that phrase. People often fail to realize that they themselves are responsible for their situation. Obviously there are exceptions, but almost everything that is involved in your life is YOUR decision. Meaning you also have the ability to change that decision or area of your life.
The problem that people have with change, is that they’re afraid, so instead they settle. They are comfortable where they are, it’s easier doing what they do, they’re too lazy to put forth the effort, and they have the false idea that there is not a better alternative. A bad habit that allows yourself to exist in an area of your life that you are unhappy with, for years! If you’re working somewhere for years that stresses you out, overworks you, doesn’t contribute to personal growth, but “it pays the bills,” you have settled. Maybe you keep telling yourself that by next year you’re going to start going after your dream job, but next year comes and goes so it gets pushed back another year. Then you get really comfortable with your job, maybe you like your coworkers, maybe it’s easier than actually working toward your dream, and now you’ve settled. Now it’s been 10 years and you’ve learned nothing, gone nowhere, and are unhappier than ever.
I truly believe that if you want something bad enough, you can have it. Through much effort and hard work, you can have it. You first have to TRY though, which means you may end up taking risks and putting yourself into uncomfortable positions. Things will get frustrating or difficult, it might take a lot of time to get where you want to be, but if you really want to reach your dreams it will be worth it.
Not everyone is able to take a life changing risk, but for those who can, don’t be afraid to. Don’t worry about the what ifs, trust your decision and do the best you can to make things work as planned. This could be quitting your job, moving to a new country, or investing in a large purchase. Keep in mind that things could be rough at first, money may be tight, you may even fail! But remember that success is not a a straight exponential line! Success has many, many ups and downs and twists and turns. Be realistic with your decision, but try not to dwell on all the things that COULD go wrong. Think of all the great that can happen, focus all your energy on that, and everything will likely turn out how you want it to in time.
Don’t be afraid to say no
Often times we are in a position where we feel stuck because of someone else. If someone else relies on you or whatever the case may be, it makes it more difficult for you to get where you want to be. Start by learning to say no. No to extra tasks assigned, no to attending some sort of event or meeting, no to helping someone out “just this one time.” People can’t expect you to do everything they ask of you, especially if you’re not legally obligated to do so. There are ways to say no without sounding disrespectful too, you don’t even need to include “I’m sorry.” Something like, “I don’t think I’m able to do that this time, I can’t commit to it.” You also don’t need to explain to people why you can’t do something, that’s none of their business. If saying no to something frees up time for you to focus on yourself and what you really want to achieve, thats a huge step forward!
Find an accountability partner
This is not necessary for everyone, but it can help to find someone either to look up to or someone with similar goals as you. Having someone to push you harder, encourage you to chase your dreams, and to talk to about ideas or goals can be really motivating. Luckily for me I have a sister that also wants “out” of her current situation and has huge goals very similar to mine. We often hold “business meetings” where we type up and discuss our wins for the week, plans of action for the following week, and areas that we can improve in. Going after something that feels unrealistic at first can be challenging and scary, but believing in yourself and surrounding yourself by others that do as well can get you through it. Obviously don’t rely on anyone for all of your motivation, you must find it in yourself to keep pushing forward and making decisions for your growth.
Accept where you are now
I have a whole post about acceptance. To sum it up, accept where you are now and allow that to be your motivation to get where you want to be. You may not be happy at the moment, but try to make the most of it by learning, growing, and experiencing as much as you can from your situation.
Whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to settle. If you feel stuck your life is not over, this is not your destiny. You have the power to change everything, and it all starts form within. Believe in yourself and don’t think that any goal is too large. Matter of fact, make your goals LARGER. Make people think you’re crazy, those are the ones that are stuck. Nothing worth having comes easy, and it shouldn’t be. This idea can factor into any area of your life. Do what makes you happy and feels right, stop letting society mold you and tell you the way things should be. You get the idea! But really, I hope this can motivate someone to chase their dreams.
I know that I refuse to live a mediocre life feeling like a robot everyday. I don’t care who doesn’t believe in me, I know who I am, I know how hard working I am. My journey/path may be abnormal to many, but that’s because I’m not normal.
After reading your post, I then read your ‘about me’ section. You are a 23 year old student studying for a master’s degree that you don’t actually want to do anything with (who is paying for that I wonder) and don’t seem to have a real job or responsibilities. I find it an oxymoron that you are advising people what to do when they feel stuck when you clearly have not experienced much of life. Methinks this is simply a topic of the day that you’ve seen elsewhere.
Yes I am getting my Master’s and don’t want to do anything with it, I actually walk across the stage tomorrow I’m pretty excited! My tuition was paid for by the university in exchange for me teaching a lab for nursing students. During my whole graduate school experience I have worked two jobs. I’m not sure where you got the impression that I don’t have any responsibilities but I actually do have quite a few, I pay for all my necessities, I live with my sister (we own a house) so I of course have to pay for that, that also comes with the usual house bills, I have a new car, I pay for all my own insurance (including life insurance! yes at 23), and we have 2 dogs + a foster dog, and a cat so of course they’re a part of my responsibility as well. I may not have experienced much of “life” in years, but I consider myself quite responsible, mature, and experienced. I am completing my Master’s because 1) it is free 2) I committed to it by starting it, I don’t want to give up and 3) It was a great opportunity that I received after undergrad. I now work full-time at my job, but have been hustlin’ my ass off working on my blog and other related ideas. I know that there is a way out of “society’s normal” so that is exactly what I strive to do. And luckily I did realize that in my early 20s. This post was not a topic that I saw elsewhere, but it truly and honestly is the way my mind works. I am able to write this post because I want to, but also because I truly believe that myself (and everyone) are able to get out of a situation they are not happy with, aka you are not stuck. It’s all a mindset. Hope that makes sense.